Domestic Violence Awareness Month
A new month also brings new campaigns to bring awareness to important topics and October happens to be an awareness month of two special topics that I truly have a passion for, Domestic Violence Awareness and Vegetarian Awareness Month!! As a lifetime advocate for victims and survivors of domestic violence, I will always lead with my educator hat when it comes to individuals that truly do not understand the dynamics of domestic violence. With the recent events in the NFL, domestic violence has FINALLY been brought to the attention of many people. I am so ecstatic that an organization like the NFL is holding individuals accountable for acts of violence, regardless of the shakiness at first. Believe it or not, their actions have set a standard for big organizations and show how individuals should be handled if they choose to act in such a horrendous way. Violence against anyone regardless of the reason is never good, man or woman! Please continue this conversation because within the conversation, a man or woman may feel comfortable enough to reach out for help and may take the brave step to leave an abusive partner for good. To start the conversation do research on reasons why a person stays in an abusive relationship, warning signs of a controlling partner and ways to safely leave an abusive relationship. For more information or resources please visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please remember that it is NEVER your fault for the actions another person chooses to perform. And if you want to help a person, never ask why they are staying in an abusive relationship, but ask how you can help them.
Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships
EXTREME JEALOUSY
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of flirting with someone else or having an affair.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.
QUICK INVOLVEMENT
The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before”. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect”. They may say things like “If you love me, then I’m all you need”.
ISOLATION
The abuser tries to keep the victim from friends and family by putting down everyone the victim knows, including their family and friends. They may keep the victim from going to work or school.
BLAMES OTHERS FOR THEIR PROBLEMS AND FEELINGS
The abuser does not take responsibility for their problems, blaming others (usually the victim) for almost everything (“you made me mad”).
HYPERSENSITIVITY
An abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack and blows things out of proportion.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN
The abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain. They may have unfair expectations of children or tease them until they cry.
“PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE IN SEX
The abuser may throw or hold their partner down during sex, may pressure their partner into having sex, may demand sex when their partner is tired or ill or doesn’t want to have sex. They may ask the victim to do things they do not want to do.
VERBAL ABUSE
The abuser says cruel and harmful things to their victim, degrades them, curses at them, calls them names, or puts down their accomplishments. The abuser tells their victims they are stupid, and unable to function without them. They embarrass and put down the victim in front of others as well.
RIGID SEX ROLES
The abuser believes in rigid gender roles and sees women as inferior to men and unable to have their own identity. They may see men as the “master of his castle”.
DR. JECKYL AND MR. HYDE
The abuser experiences severe mood swings and the victim may think the abuser has a mental health problem. One minute they can be charming and sweet and the next minute they become angry and explosive. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners.
PAST BATTERING
The abuser has a history of past battering of partners and although they may admit to that, they say their previous partner provoked them to do it. A batterer will beat any partner they are with if the person is with them long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not cause a person to have an abusive relationship.
THREATS OF VIOLENCE
This includes any threat or physical force meant to control the victim: “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll break your neck”, “If you ever leave, I’ll kill you.”
BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS
This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking treasured possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may break or strike objects near the victim to frighten them.
ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT
The abuser may hold the victim down, restrain them from leaving the room, may push, shove, or hold them against a wall.
Adapted from “Project for Victims of Family Violence”, Fayetteville, Arkansas and the Domestic Violence Resource Center of South County materials.
http://www.ncadv.org/takeaction/DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth.php
Vegetarian Awareness Month
I am always a fan of adding fruits and veggies to your diet regardless of your health goals. I look back over my health journey thus far and I seemed to be at my best, healthiest, most energy, loving life when I was a raw vegan. For two months I ate all the fresh fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds that I wanted and slim down significantly. But the most noticeable change was my natural glow and spirit that I had. I had no cares in the world and could workout for hours upon hours. My blood pressure was normal, stomach was flat, my bowels loved me lol (I know TMI) and it felt like I truly had the energy of the sun!! I am not asking the world to become vegetarians over night, and I am not even asking for anyone to become a vegetarian but I would love to see many people adding yummy veggies to their most beloved dishes. Each day this month try adding a bit of veggies or fruits to your meals. For example, add arugula or spinach to your omelets, or fruit to your yogurt or smoothie, for snacks have a veggie and protein like tuna and bell peppers, carrots and hummus, cucumbers and beef snack bites, and for dinner stir-fry is always my go to so throw in all of your favorite veggies with a small amount of protein like lean beef, turkey, chicken or tofu. Though there is a lot of research out in the world about the benefits of increasing your fruits and veggies, a month of increasing them will really show you the benefits of incorporating the suns natural energy into your life. Visit World Vegetarian Day for my information and resources.
http://www.worldvegetarianday.org/
~Have a blessed day!
